ORP: Memories That Haunt

That was the question he had been dreading the most. He didn’t want to talk about what happened. He didn’t want to have to deal with that pain. He didn’t want to share that pain with her. It was brutal, the entire night had been, and telling her – while it wasn’t allowed to begin with – was something he didn’t want to do. Not because of her clearance levels but because she had enough pain to deal with for one evening. He didn’t say anything at first, his body posture remained the same and he kept his gaze ahead of him. As his rifle swung back against his stomach he felt a dull pain rise. He hadn’t given much thought to his personal injuries but the longer they walked the more he realized that he might have hurt himself more than previously thought. A few broken ribs were probably the least of his worries at this time.

”It was supposed to be a simple mission.” He started off, his lips pressing together for a moment, as he tried to decide if he should actually be telling her this. Hell, what did it matter anymore? After the hell they had been through together security clearance was nothing. ”We had word that there was a top-level Al Qaeda operative hiding there. We were sent in to capture him.” Lucas remembered the briefing – even his Commanding Officer wasn’t the least bit worried that they wouldn’t make it out in one piece. Now he was dead in a foreign country with only his dogtags to identify him. The faces of his friends would haunt him for the rest of his life – Lucas knew that.

”Mission went south when we got there. We walked into an ambush.” He didn’t want to say anything else about it so he stopped there. He needed to keep his mind in one piece – he had to stay focused on getting back to safety. He had to make sure that the three of them would be home in their own beds soon. Lucas swallowed down the lump that formed in his throat and blinked back the moisture that formed in his eyes. His friends last moments flashed in his mind when he thought back to the firefight that had ensued. It was hell that much was certain.

Lucas sighed softly as he pushed onward. How much would be too much to tell the woman behind him? There had to be some balance between too much and not enough. ”This is my first time here, you know? I feel like I just graduated officer training school and now here I am…I shouldn’t have been put in command but after we lost James I was the next ranking officer.” The only other officer on the team to be exact. ”I don’t see why I’m the one who made it out in one piece – they all have families – daughters, sons, wives…I don’t. I’d give anything to switch positions with them.”

She was right – that much was certain. He did save her and Mike but that didn’t lift the burden from his shoulders. He hated having the weight of the world on his shoulders and he hated the position they were in at the moment. It wasn’t right in the least bit but they had to keep going. There wasn’t much that either of them could do at the moment was keep on pushing because they’d get to safety soon enough. There was something about Gracie that was warm and inviting. She was sweet, she seemed to genuinely care about him and that was something that he didn’t come across all too often. She was interesting and she caught his attention but it wasn’t something that he could focus on for too long.

”Easier said than done to think like that, Gracie.” He responded, his voice soft as he fought back his emotions. ”Mike Collins…we call him Pyro…he’s a bomb expert.” Lucas trailed off as he shifted the weight of the stretcher in his hands. He was sore and exhaustion was starting to set in. He blinked a few times in hopes of waking himself up fully. He had to stay alert and focused right now. He glanced back at Gracie and offered her a small smile. ”He’s a good guy - saved my life before he lost consciousness.”

Lucas felt like he was starting to lose hope and thinking like that meant that they wouldn’t make it out alive. They hadn’t come into contact with any enemies and they were pushing through things pretty well apart from obvious issues at hand there were no insurgents to worry about. As he tightened his grip on the stretcher his gaze dropped to his feet when he stumbled over what seemed like nothing. He was grower weaker – they had been on the field for what seemed like forever before the helicopter showed up. He needed some food – some energy. ”I need a few minutes.” He finally spoke up after a few minutes of silence between them. ”If I don’t get something in me I won’t last for this hike.”

When she was ready Lucas lowered Mike down to the ground before he crouched down on the ground. He swung the pack around and placed it in front of him and opened it. He pulled out two protein bars and held one out to her. ”You should have one too. We’re going to need all the energy we can get. Ten-fifteen miles would take a few hours if we were at full capacity but we’re both injured and we’re carrying a guy on top of it – it might take all night.” He sighed and brushed the sweat from his brow. ”At least it isn’t too cold out – we won’t freeze to death.”

As Lucas made himself as comfortable as he could on the ground he rested his elbows on his knees as he ripped open the wrapper to the protein bar. He needed something in his system after the day he had and while he wished it was a nice juicy steak he was biting into he was thankful that he at least had some sort of food. The taste of the protein bar made him gag slightly – they weren’t made with taste in mind, that much was certain. He took a sip of water from his own bag that he had before he wiped his brow. His gaze never left Gracie as she checked on Mike and he simply nodded his head at her words. He knew that Mike would make it – he was a strong guy and he was a fighter. There wasn’t a doubt in Lucas’s mind that the man would hold on until they got to safer grounds.

After unhooking the rifle from the strap that hung around his neck, Lucas placed his rifle to the side so that he could get more comfortable. He kept it within arm’s length though, knowing that if someone were to sneak up on them he could pick it up in a moment’s notice. As silence settled between them he became more alert. It was quiet which could be good or bad – he wasn’t quite sure yet. The only sound to be heard apart from the breathing of his two friends was the sound of the wind. No other noise traveled with it so he deemed them safe enough for now.it was amazing at how accustomed to the dark his eyes were growing at the moment. He thought about pulling his night vision goggles out but he didn’t have a pair for Gracie, nor did he think they would be much use with how bright the moon was shining.

A soft chuckle left his chapped lips at her words and he glanced over at Gracie as he gently nudged her back. ”So you make a habit out of crashing ‘copters and hiking through miles of sand?” He teased with a playful smile. The joke, no matter how small it was, comforted him in some odd way. Gracie comforted him. He couldn’t explain it. He had had a girlfriend in high school and one in college – but neither of them made him feel the way that Gracie was at the moment. All he wanted was for her to be safe, he wanted to protect her, and he wanted her to know that he’d protect her until his last breath. Maybe it was just his training kicking in or perhaps the lessons his mother had taught him or maybe it was something more.

”Don’t apologize.” Lucas shook his head at her words and as he lifted the bar to his lips his teeth clamped around it to hold it in place as he pulled his gloves off. He placed his hand on top of hers, his thick fingers weaving between Gracie’s slender ones and he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. He pulled the bar from his mouth and chewed up the bite that had fallen from the bar as he looked the woman over. ”Talking about that hell makes it a little more bearable.” He responded in a whisper, his gaze lifting to the night sky.

”When I enlisted I thought that it’d be all fun and games. I was just a kid with a gung-ho attitude. Now … now I know that I’m just a kid who’s seen too much. I used to hate it when my mom said that a kid shouldn’t go to war – I was convinced that I was a grown man who could do anything but I can’t remember the last time that I’ve wanted to crawl onto my mother’s lap and have her hold me so badly like I do right now. She always knew how to chase away the monsters when I was younger.”

Opening up to people wasn’t something that Lucas did often, or ever now that he thought of it. Right now when things were at the worst for him his thoughts decided to change and he focused on how things would have been different if he listened to his mother’s words and how he needed her like he never had before. He hated showing signs of weakness like this but for some reason, around Gracie, he felt like it was alright. Maybe it was just because of what happened – that he had survived death not once, but twice that evening – or maybe it actually had to do with the person she really was.

”I used to ask my mom the same thing when I was younger.” Lucas responded, a hint of a smile on the corners of his lips. He didn’t let go of her hand as he took another bite of the bar, chewed it up and swallowed it down. Instead his fingers stayed interlocked with hers and he tucked the empty wrapper into a pocket on his flak vest. ”Then as I got older and I learned how to fight and fire a weapon I used to tell her that I’d always look out for her.” He was a “momma’s boy” through and through. It was just him, his brother, and her growing up and he always had this need to protect her and to take care of her. He couldn’t even begin to think what her reaction would be if the soldiers with the white gloves, folded flags, and a bible showed up at her door if he had been the one to go down.

The weight of his gear was heavy on his shoulders and Lucas unzipped the flak vest before undoing his jacket so it hung open. His shirt was surprisingly still neat and tucked into his ACU pants. He tugged it free from its constraints and lifted the front of his shirt to wipe at his face, smearing the fabric with fresh blood from the cut he had. He paid it no attention just then and instead focused his gaze on Gracie as she spoke. ”Yeah, me too.” He replied. She was sweet and although the situation surrounding how they met was less than ideal, it gave him comfort to know that she was there with him.

Lucas let go of her hand so that he could check the bandage on her forehead when he saw that it was coming loose. He reached into his bag for the medical tape and used a piece of it to fix the gauze before smiling at her as their gazes locked. Rescue wasn’t even in his mind – he was surprised that command had gotten one helicopter sent out here to begin with. Their mission was meant to be off the record and if something went wrong they were told there would be no help. Apparently Gracie’s superiors didn’t get that memo – but with one helicopter down he doubted that they’d send another any time soon.

His calloused fingers brushed some of Gracie’s hair from her face and he tucked it behind her ear before dropping his hand down and he looked back to the night sky. ”If you take away the war, the blood, the tears, and the death it’s actually quite beautiful out here, don’t you think?” His teeth dug into his lower lip as his hand found hers. He found comfort in the simple act of physical contact and he needed another minute of it before they would continue their journey. He offered her his water with his other hand, his attention diverting to Mike. The man was still unconscious but the sound of him breathing was enough to give Lucas hope.