ORP: Memories That Haunt

He was thankful that she didn’t protest when he told her to take point. The whole reason behind it made sense in his mind – at least for the most part. He wanted her to stay in his sights at all times and for some reason if they were attacked from behind then he’d be the one who would get shot first – not her. He had a strange urge to protect her and even though he couldn’t explain it, he wasn’t going to question it in the least bit. He had learned a long time ago that some things were better left unsaid.

As Lucas readjusted the pack on his back once he was in position he puffed his cheeks out and bent down. His strong hands grasped the nylon straps of the stretcher and he hoisted it up on Gracie’s mark. He would take most of the weight off of her here if they were to go up any slopes and he would – hopefully – make the trek a little easier on her. He smiled at Gracie’s display and his gaze traveled to the bit of flesh that was exposed. He smirked at the action and looked back up at the woman before winking at her.

Perhaps this wasn’t going to be so bad. Their starting pace was good and this one was even better. He easily fell into step behind her. All of his years of playing sports were doing him good right now and he was sure that the walk to base wouldn’t be nearly as bad as some of the training sessions he had went through since joining the military. Silence fell between them for a little bit and he kept his ears open and occasionally looked around them for any sign of danger.

”A story?” Lucas laughed. What would be a good story to tell Gracie? He had a lot from his childhood but were any ones that he was willing to share? Hmm. He had to think of something good – something that would keep Gracie wanting more. ”So I have a little brother named Noah. For his fifteenth birthday I helped my mom plan this awesome birthday party for him. It was set at a paintball field, just like my eighteenth birthday was – the kid loved it so we figured we’d throw him a similar one. We went all out for him: we had the football and baseball teams there – he was on both – and most of the student government. We had lots of junk food, pizza – all of that – and I had a huge surprise in store.”

“So the day of the party everyone is on the field getting ready for another match, Noah included. We had already chosen teams earlier in the day and by this time it was getting dark. I was nowhere to be found and as everyone broke away for the game I got into position.” Lucas grinned slightly. ”Me and a few of the guys on his team and the members of my team had this all planned out and they lured Noah to this one spot in the woods where I was waiting…I jumped out at him dressed in a clown outfit with the creepiest f**king light-up clown mask I could find. Noah…” He started to laugh. ”…Noah screams like a little baby and he pisses himself. He’s always been so scared of clowns and … damn. He started beating me with his paintball gun instead of, you know, actually shooting me with this thing. Then the guys that were on my team all come out of the woods wearing the same type of clown masks and Noah drops to the ground, curls into fetal position and just starts crying out for mom.”

The laugh that left Gracie's lips was perfect to Lucas. Hearing her laugh made him smile brightly and he wished that he was on point at this moment so he could look behind him to see what she looked like with a smile on her face. He didn't know why, but he enjoyed making her laugh and being the one to take away the pain and sadness from the evening they had faced together. The sound of her laughter rang in his ears even after she stopped and he had to pull his thoughts from it when she started to speak of her own sibling.

As she finished her story it was his turn to laugh and he did. Not too loudly - for fear of drawing unwanted attention from any surrounding people - but it was still a genuine laugh. "Who would have thought that someone who appears to be so sweet has a mean streak?" He asked, amusement evident in his voice. When it came to siblings, pranking them was always fun, he had found that out years ago, and with him being the oldest of two it fell on his shoulders to teach his brother what a good prank was and that he had done. 

"Do you have a boyfriend - or girlfriend - waiting at home for you?" Lucas asked after a minute of silence passed between them. He didn't know what possessed him to ask that question but for some reason he wanted to know more than anything. He wanted to know her secrets, he wanted to know what scared her, what excited her, what her passions were. He wanted to know all about her. They had a connection that he had never thought possible. He had grown to be a man who partied and barely dated - instead just having a one night stand here and there and conveniently "losing" a woman's number but with Gracie...with Gracie he felt different.

The darkness that surrounded them was good for something, he thought. People were more likely to bare their soul late at night when the lights were out instead of in broad daylight. The nighttime was a time for secrets, for soul-searching discussions, and despite their current situation they seemed to be connecting on an unnatural level. As his feet pressed into the sand as they continued forward his gaze went ahead of them. He knew that there was a city nearby and they'd see it eventually but right now there was nothing. Just darkness - their only source of light being from the night sky.

Lucas was happy. She didn't have someone at home - which, in truth, was sad in a way - but it made him happy. Genuinely happy. It would mean that nothing could hold him back now apart from his own fear and that wasn't something he let happen often. As he began to mull over a few things in his head he fell silent. He kept his gaze ahead of them as he started to slow their pace as they went down a dune. He shifted the stretcher in his hands to grip onto it tighter and he lifted it up to take more of the weight so that Gracie wouldn't be overwhelmed. 

His entire body was sore - he was starting to feel it now. The adrenaline was finally starting to wear off and fatigue was taking over him. He blinked a few times trying to get his thoughts straight enough to respond to her and rolled his shoulders back as they fell back into their previous stride now that they were over the dune. "A little bit but I'll be fine. Don't worry." The soldier responded. "How are you holding up?" He hadn't been through worse so it wasn't like he could use that as an excuse but he was in pretty decent shape at the moment. The training he had went through to even become a Ranger had exhausted him but being under real combat situations and with the helicopter crash and his broken ribs he was sure that he would sleep for days once they arrived back on base.

"So why exactly don't you have a significant other?" He figured it was better to word things this way than keep switching between boyfriend and girlfriend. Truth be told he didn't mind what people's sexuality was but he was hoping deep down that Gracie swung his way. He had heard so many stories about women in the military being mostly gay and while he had never once considered dating someone with as crazy of a lifestyle as his, Gracie was starting to become the exception to almost everything and it was scaring him. He wasn't supposed to be like this. He was the free-bird, the one who was meant to be a bachelor until all of his friends were married with kids.

Surprised. That's what Lucas was. How could a beautiful girl like herself not have a boyfriend? It was puzzling to him but as she revealed that she was scared of relationships it made a little bit of sense to him. In a way he felt as if that was one thing everyone was scared of. Being in love was no easy task, he reckoned. Having to open yourself up completely to one person, put your heart and soul into them, giving them power over you - it was something that wasn't simple, he knew that much. His mother had never spoke of relationships much, and as far as he knew, she had never really been in one after his father walked out before Noah was born. Lucas had never known the man so a love between a man and a woman that was more than the love a mother had for a son and a son had for his mother was foreign to him.

"I think that everyone is, to be honest," He started as he slowly lowered Mike down to the ground with her. Pain shot through his body at the motion of bending over and once his friend was securely on the ground he stood up straighter and gently pressed his hand against his ribcage in a futile attempt to stop the pain that was coursing through his torso. "But it's one of those risks in life you have to decide if it's worth taking." He finally continued after taking in a few deep breaths. He lowered his rifle and his pack down to the ground next to Gracie before taking a seat beside her, this time closer than he had been on their last break. "I can't say that I've ever had a serious relationship. I've dated a few girls here and there but nothing's ever lasted more than a month or so."

He fell silent. Why had none of his past relationships worked out? He had to figure that out. Lucas bit his lower lip as he fiddled with the bladder in his hand before taking a long drink from it. The cool chill of the water slid down his burning throat. It was nice. Cool. Refreshing. It was just what he needed at the time to feel just a little bit better. "I guess I kind of always figured nothing would work out with the girls I was with. You hear all the stories about soldiers who ship out and get 'Dear John' letters and since I knew that the military was my path, I didn't want to deal with that." Truth be told he was scared to death of being hurt, of being used, of being abandoned again.

You hear about girls who suffer from daddy issues all the time but he didn't know if it was possible for men to suffer from them too. He didn't even know if that was something that he could think that he had. He knew that his father leaving did a number on him. He didn't know his name or where he was from. All he knew was that he had problems, a lot of problems, and that family was too much for him to deal with. He didn't want Lucas so why would anyone else that wasn't his brother or mother? He shook the thoughts away - now wasn't the time to think about it.

As he placed his water to the side he lifted his hands up to his neck and he quietly unclasped one of the necklaces that hung around his neck. He didn't know why he felt the need to do this but he was done asking himself questions. As he reclasped the necklace, Lucas reached for Gracie's hand with his free one and he placed it in the palm of her hand. The cool metal rested neatly in the palm of her hand as he closed her fingers around it. "To keep you safe," he explained as he lifted his gaze to hers.

"My mama and brother each gave me one. I know that it's weird, being religious when you see such pain in this world, but I guess it's helped me to think that there's some higher power watching over me when I'm out here all alone." He shrugged up his shoulders and looked away. The necklace wasn't anything fancy: just a saint pendant. St. Mark of Torres, just like the one that he wore. He didn't have to the heart to tell his brother he already had one when he had been given it so he kept it alongside the one his mother had given him.