ORP: Dust to Dust

The fight seemed as if it had barely started when Lucas felt arms wrapping around his to pull him off of Kasey. He fought those who tried to break up the fight. His attention was solely on Kasey. He wanted him to feel the pain that he felt. He was seeing all red and the words that were coming out of people's mouths around him were barely registering in his mind. Mike had killed himself, yes, but it wasn't Kasey's business to go airing out. They had went the entire day trying not to think about the true events that surrounded Mike's death. 

Kasey was in the military and he had his own demons but there was no way that he knew the demons that Lucas and Mike had to face. There was no way he understood the heavy emotional and psychological toll it took on both men. For him to say such blasphemous things against Mike angered Lucas to no end. He had lost his control, he had snapped. It was like he was another man, reacting only on pure anger as his fists slammed into Kasey's face. The two of them continued to fight and Kasey got a few good shots in, nearly breaking Lucas's nose with one of them.

Then almost as soon as the fight was started did it end. As James and Scott pulled Lucas off of the smaller man, Lucas fought. His veins on the side of his neck were fully showing, he was covered in sweat, and his face was bright red. "Let. Me. Go." He demanded through gritted teeth as he made another lunge at Kasey who was pulled to his feet by Rick and another man in the bar. As Lucas tried to get free he barely noticed Gracie until she was right in front of him. She was speaking to him - why couldn't he understand what she was saying?

His anger slowly dissipated when she grabbed his face and his blue eyes went from Kasey to his girlfriend as he breathed out heavily through his nose. "Get. It. Together." Her words resonated in his mind and he knew that he had to listen to her but his blood was still boiling. His heart was throbbing in his ears, all he wanted was to get Kasey to stop talking. 

He slowly started to calm though. All it took was a threat from Gracie and his shoulders slumped as he gave. His fists unclenched and his shoulders slumped. Eventually the two men holding him back released him and Lucas fixed his shirt as his breathing slowed. He wiped the sweat from forehead before wiping the blood from his face. So much for their night of remembrance. What he was most concerned about now that he was calming down was Gracie. How would she react now that she knew it wasn't some accident Mike had been in that took his life but his own doing?

Lucas watched as Kasey left the bar. The rest of the boys said a few things, patted Lucas and Gracie on the shoulder, paid for their drinks and left. Things had escalated too quickly and no one felt comfortable being there any longer. Lucas didn't blame them. As he took a seat once again his head dropped to his hands. "Gracie..."

Lucas was angry. He was angry at himself for losing his cool and he was angry at Mike for taking the easy way out. He was a coward, Lucas knew that, but he also knew the demons that haunted Mike because haunted him as well. Had he thought about offing himself? More than once, but at the end of the day he thought about those around him. His mother, his brother, and now Gracie. How would they react if they were to get a call from the coroner saying that he was gone? That he had taken the easy way out?

Suicide was a selfish thing, in Lucas's mind. He knew that what had driven Mike to madness was capable of doing the same for him, but his head on straight, he knew what he had to live for and that far outweighed the bad that they had done overseas, or at least Lucas liked to think that it did. Whenever he closed his eyes he saw the family they had killed, and while it had been a 'their life or ours' moment, that didn't make it any better. They were children - they didn't deserve that type of death. They didn't deserve to die at all.

His mind was still reeling when Gracie returned to him and he took the drink without protest. He downed it rather quickly, the liquid burning the back of his throat as it slid down with ease. He hissed softly and placed the glass down on the table beside him before he folded his hands together. His fingers brushed over the drying blood on his knuckles and he looked up at his girlfriend as she spoke. He knew that everything she was saying was right - it would do him more harm than good to keep himself in this head-space - but it was hard to break free from it.

"At least the cops weren't called." He mumbled softly as he pushed himself to his feet. He motioned to the backdoor of the bar, knowing that there would more than likely be a little area for them to sit out there. He reached for Gracie's hand and he led her outside before taking a seat on the curb. It was quieter out here and now it was only the two of them. 

"He couldn't handle what we did over there, Grace." He started off, pulling his knees up so he could rest his forearms on them. "The shit our Commanding Officer had us do - it got to his head." Lucas knew that feeling all too well. He rubbed at his shoulder and sighed. "He couldn't live with it - the events of that night before you came in and rescued us." He couldn't tell Gracie about what happened - he couldn't have her look at him differently. He had to be strong. They were his demons to deal with - not hers.

"I'm pissed at him, Gracie. He took the easy way out. He acted on pure selfishness. He didn't think about his friends or his family that would have to deal with this with him gone." Lucas pinched the bridge of his nose before running a hand over his face. "Kasey's right - he is a goddamn coward."

Lucas knew that Gracie was right. Everything she was saying was true but Lucas didn't want to believe it. Mike was one of the strongest people that Lucas had ever met and he had decided to end his life like a coward. He hated that he was so angry and he hated that Mike had given in so easily.

He didn't say anything in respond to Gracie = he simply nodded. It didn't seem as if she fully understood how he felt - she had lost friends overseas but none of them had taken their life, and he supposed that it was just hard to fully grasp how he felt about this situation. He pushed himself to his feet and rolled his sleeves up as he followed behind Gracie. He wrapped an arm around her in a light hug before sighing softly and he pulled back.

"Let me drive." He spoke up finally. He had drank less alcohol than she had and he felt good enough to drive. In fact he felt as if that was where he needed to be. Being behind the wheel of the car would give him time to focus on anything other than what was going through his mind. He reached his hand out to take the keys from Gracie and he gave her a small smile.

"I'm fine to drive. I don't want you to drive after all that you've drank." Tonight didn't turn out how he had hoped it would and he could feel the air between him and Gracie change all because of his blowup. It wasn't something he was proud of but he didn't appreciate Kasey saying the things that he did. He knew that he had to keep his thoughts focused now though. He had to be patient and he couldn't let his anger get the best of him again - especially not in front of Gracie.

Lucas was glad that Gracie hadn't argued with him about driving. He knew that he was pretty messed up at the moment, but he felt more than comfortable enough to drive. After making sure that his girlfriend was in her seat and strapped in, Lucas climbed into the driver's side and he adjusted the mirrors and seat as he saw fit before starting the car up. It came to life with a quiet hum and as he pulled his seatbelt on he shifted the car into reverse. 

As he turned the car onto the main road Lucas's gaze stayed out ahead of them and he caught sight of the SUV. It took him less than a moment to realize who's car it was and his fingers tightened around the steering wheel. The last thing Kasey needed right now was to be arrested. Lucas may have been mad at the man, but he was still a brother-in-arms and having a DUI on his record was something that shouldn't occur.

He was half-tempted to stop but he didn't. He knew that Kasey's Sergeant would get a call and it would all get figured out, plus he was still bitter about what had happened only a few minutes earlier. "That woulda been you if I let you drive." He murmured glancing over at his girlfriend. As angry as he was at her and in general he still wouldn't wish that upon her. He reached his hand out to rest on top of Gracie's.

KFC ranked high on Lucas's list of favorite fast food places. He was a sucker for their mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese and when it came down to it, nothing sounded better than KFC after a night like tonight. He glanced at Gracie for a moment as he watched her get comfortable before his gaze went back to the road. He maneuvered the car around the a fallen branch in the street as they neared the restaurant before he pulled into the parking lot and around to the drive-thru order screen.

Lucas puffed his cheeks up slightly as he rolled the window down. "What do you want, baby?" He asked as he glanced over the menu.