ORP: Who We Are

1843 Hours
Saint's Apartment
Arlington, Virgini

Azalea took another drink of the beer, smiling over at Lucas. "I would like that. It would be nice to officially meet her and don't worry - I'll behave. I have so far tonight haven't I? See I can be good." The brunette grinned, before sipping the drink once more. It was true. The lieutenant was out of character. Maybe because she knew the depth of the conversation they were having. To do anything other than simply listen and give some thoughts for him to chew on would be wrong. She had grown up. The old Azalea would probably be teasing him up a storm. Better yet, wouldn't even be having this conversation. She had come a long way from the girl she use to be. She smiled a little thinking about it - honestly proud of who she was becoming.

Azalea's feet fell to the floor with a thud, thankful there was enough of the beer gone that it wouldn't slosh all over her. There was no getting out of this one. Lucas wasn't going to let her leave without hearing the truth. What was the truth? That she was falling fast for an older man that was the XO of the team they were both on? Sounded about right, but also shouldn't be happening. "Fine! Alright! You win. I'm not, as you said, boning him. He has yet to even stay over till anything past ten o'clock, but we are together...officially. I know I know. I shouldn't be with him. He's about fifteen years older than me. He is the XO of Hoover. Plus I also just got out of a relationship not too long before we got together. I know that but..." She paused for a moment, biting the bottom lip, staring intently at the brown liquid in the bottle. "For once Luc, I don't have to guess at how someone feels for me. My last relationship? It was a four year relationship. I did love him as much as I could but, there was a lot of head games without really knowing it. There was always a wall, and I was always second guessing myself, and his feelings. With Logan...I don't have to do that. I know it's breaking a major rule, especially with me being military. God I know that but...for the first time ever in my life, I'm comfortable with someone knowing me...all of me - even the bad parts from my past. He hasn't once tried to push anything. I know there are obstacles, the biggest being our jobs, but I don't care. I've been in a relationship where everything else, but me, came first. For once, it's nice not putting the job first. It's going to be hard but, I say bring it. I'm happy. Yes I'm falling and it scares the hell out of me, meanly because my mind is screaming too soon, but at the same time, I'm okay with it."

And there it was. It felt good to finally share it with someone else. There was really no one else that knew, or could know. As much as she didn't want to jeopardize Luc's career, he was offering, and it was nice to share with someone other than Ember. It was as if a burden had been lifted and she felt so much lighter. Someone else knew the most pressing secret in her life and there was someone else she could talk about it with. She wasn't in this alone anymore. There was someone else to bounce thoughts around with and it felt like a sigh of relief.

Tag: Lucas "Saint" Clark

1845 Hours
Saint's Apartment
Arlington, Virginia

Azalea rolled her eyes, giving Lucas' leg a soft shove. "It's not so much being into older guys as it is being into Logan. When I'm with him, I don't even think about the age difference." It was the honest truth. The brunette never really was one to think about age. She didn't purposely go looking for an older man. It just happened. Going for someone that much older than her really wasn't first on the list, but Logan was different. This relationship was different - in a good way. Others might have an issue with it, but that was their problem. She was happy and honestly that's all that really mattered.

Giving a small smile, De finished up the beer, setting the empty bottle beside the others. "Thanks Luc, and it's actually Logan that would want to do that more than I would on the job. I'm the one that convinced him to keep this on the down low for now. I don't think he understands what's really at stake - why we have to keep this quiet." The young woman wanted more than anything to have everyone know. Not only would it stop people from questioning what was going on between the two, but it would also show people that Sean and her were no longer together. It would relieve a lot of stress, carrying around the weight of this secret, but the risk was still too great.

"Yeah but what do you do if going with the flow means putting careers on the line? I go back and forth between this so much. I care so much for Logan and falling very fast for him. Some days I think, yes I'm willing to give all it all up, but then, I think about how hard I've worked to get where I am. Sometimes, it's still hard for me believe I really made it. I think, how could I dream about giving this up. I just don't know." Azalea stared straight ahead, lost in thoughts - thoughts that were always there in the back of the mind. She hoped that it would never come to the crossroads, because who knew what the choice would be in the end.

Tag: Lucas "Saint" Clark

1848 Hours
Saint's Apartment
Arlington, Virginia

Azalea had thought about all the possibilities and outcomes of being with Logan. She knew about the risk it put on the team. Deep down, the brunette knew that it he wouldn't put her above another member. It would be hard, but she knew he knew the the team and job came first. Out there it had to. It would be hard, but that's what it had to be - for everyone. She knew how everything would be stripped of all she had worked for. There was so much at risk, and yet, at the very same time, a part didn't care. Another part said, bring it on. Come what may. She wanted this. She wanted him but why did this all have to be decided now? Was there even anymore deciding? They were together. Choice made, done. There was no backing away now - not without feelings from both parties getting hurt.

"I know Luc I know. Trust me. I have thought about everything over and over again. When he isn't around, I continually think of all this stuff. I've worked so hard to get here. This is the only life I've ever known. I really don't know who I am without the military. When I didn't have, I was a messed up orphan that no one wanted, stuck in the foster system. I didn't care about anyone or anything. The military, this program? It literally saved me. How could I want to jeoradize this? But then whenever I'm around Logan, I want to see what life with him is. I can see myself being with him for well....who knows how long. I don't want to say settle down, but, I can see myself willing to give this up for him. I wasn't like that with Sean. Heck, with Sean, it was all military and the job all the time. With Logan, I'm more than just the military Azalea - the screwed up foster kid given a second chance. I'm able to discover other parts of me that makes me wonder what life would be like without the military. UGH! It's making my head hurt thinking about all of this." She let out a groan, rubbing the face. Why did relationships have to be so confusing? Why couldn't she ever have a simple one? Because being who she was, simple wasn't in the dictionary. Her life was anything but simple

Tag: Lucas "Saint" Clark

1851 Hours
Saint's Apartment
Arlington, Virginia

Azalea's head was literally hurting from thinking about this. Maybe it was actually the alcohol that was starting to take affect. Though the brunette knew it had nothing to do with the amount of beers that had been consumed. She always went back and forth on which side she was on. Having a career in the military was all this Lieutenant had wanted, and thought this was the only life for her. The military had saved the young woman from that destructive path that she had been heading down. The person she was today was all thanks to the military. How could she think about tossing all of that aside?

"He hasn't asked me to give anything up, nor would he ever do that. That's not Logan. I just never thought I could have any opportunity for any other kind of life. I thought this was me and that's it. With Logan, there's basically a chance to have something I never thought possible. Another path I never thought I would be given a chance to take. I just....I don't know Luc. I'm happy with him - very happy. I've never really been this happy before. I love my job. I love what I do. I worked hard to get here so, I don't know. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but it's hard. When I'm with him, I think one thing. When I'm alone, and let the thoughts get to me, I think something else. I wish someone would tell me what to do, or see what the end result would be." Life couldn't ever be simple. It always had to be complex, and she had to choose a relationship that would make it worse. Good job there Az. Way to go. You really know how to pick them.

Tag:Lucas "Saint" Clark